Saturday, August 13, 2011

Motivations for Marriage

So this post is going to be more on the philosophical side.  Earlier in the evening in an attempt to get back to the world of the living I got out of the house and went an got a haircut.  I got there at my appointment time, and like always the stylist said she was running late and I could leave and come back in 15 minutes.  Around here if you are talking to the Mormons they will say they are on "Mormon time" and if you are talking to the Indians they will say they are on "Indian time" which basically means no one around here adheres to a schedule.  So I seized the opportunity and ran to the grocery store and got a dollar bottle of nail polish and painted my toe nails in the car.

Then I mosied back to the salon and went inside.  The stylist was working on a woman's hair doing a big fancy up-do.  They were chit-chatting as she was working and I found out the woman was getting married tonight.  In the salon was also a young lady who was maybe 12-13 and found out that she was the woman's daughter.  When the stylist finished her up, after about another 15 minutes, she was getting ready to pay and the woman said to the stylist that she really wanted her to come to the wedding, not to worry about eating because they would have plenty of food.  The stylist was like yeah, I'll be there even though I'm wearing my jeans. 

After the bride left and the stylist was washing my hair, her daughter came in and we were all talking about the bride and wedding because they both had known the woman for some time.  They said she actually had been in and gotten her hair done for another wedding about a year ago.  I of course don't know the woman, or her story, but I know she was getting married tonight, had gotten married to someone else a year ago, and presumably might have been married at least one other time to the daughter's father.

So that all got me thinking about marriage and what motivates someone to get married so many times when it seems they are aren't in it so long as they both shall live.  For me marriage is a sacrament of my religion that makes a permanent bond for our relationship and validates the children that we are given.  I take it so very seriously and I know that Dustin does as well.  I have no doubt that this is the one and only marriage for both of us provided one of us does not die prematurely. 

For some I know religion is not a factor.  It is obvious in our society that marriage is not essential to validate children.  It seems to me that since cohabitation is readily accepted in most places today, I don't understand why people bother to take the step and enter into marriage, especially if they have no intention of seeing it through.  It's a shame to me that we can't figure out a way to limit the people who carelessly marry over and over.  Can you imagine if there were a law that if you had been married X number of times and could not marry until those people had died, that people might actually try to make that happen.  I would have to think that divorce is not cheap, financially or emotionally, and that this should be a motivation to not get married unless you are serious about it, unless of course someone is out to take advantage of a sugar daddy situation.

So what would be the motivation for a 50 something woman who has been married at least twice previously to tie the knot one more time?  Is it just a string of lousy partners and now she has found "the one", the fear of being alone, wanting to provide her child(ren) with a father figure, wanting to have a party and be the center of attention (wondering this after she was so intent on inviting her hair stylist who obviously had not planned on attending the wedding)?  I guess I'll never understand.


  1. My step-sisters mom is on her 6th marriage. She marries rich and then divorces them after a few years. I don't know the woman more than the few brief encounters over the last 20 years but it seems to me, that in her mind, she's upgrading. She deserves more than the current man is giving her. The crazy thing is that she's a successful business woman and isn't in need of anything really. It sounds like my step-sister is sort of following in her footsteps, she's not been married but she has that mentallity.

    It definitely helps the argument for marriage being something learned. We are the product of the beginning of divorce being "normal" so it sort of makes sense that marriage is taken so lightly these days. I am not religious but I did enter into my marriage with the "till death do us part" mentallity. I don't take it lightly and I don't understand people who's such a big commitment.

  2. I think a lot of times people just give up, instead of trying to work through it.

    And I think for some people they are afraid to get married again, and others are just too afraid to be alone, so they just keep trying.


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